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Friday, April 22, 2005

The Other "N" Words

I never use the "N' word. It doesn't reside anywhere in my conscience where I'd use it for any purpose. My insults are cross-cultural with the word "asshole" the Rosetta Stone of my attack.

The "N" word is not my issue but I will say I think it's been deconstructed and demystified enough to be retired forever.

I do admit when I first heard the word "Wigger" I almost wet myself with glee. I'm surrounded by them in Orange County. I avoid them in droves at my gym, L.A. Crapness. A group of teen wiggers were lifting together and I said to a friend, "Don't you recognize them. That's the new boy band sensation Whiteys To Wiggers!" We shared eight good laughs between us.

Looking around I've noticed there's other pale, suburban fuggknuckles pretending they're gangbangers. Here there's the Higger (Hispanic) and Aigger (Asian, pronounced Aye-ga).

The "er" word ending is for formal writing only. The actual pronunciation is either "ah" or "uh". Linguistic Paleontologists are working day and night to create accurate usage maps for both derivations.

Try it yourself. "Wuzzup, Aigga?", "MY Higga!"

Remember, the "N" word is wrong in all cases but the other "N" words should be taught in public schools. Excel, I mean, Word!


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