Today's Larf from Scrappleface

Kerry: Ratzinger Papal Election is 'No Mandate' by Scott Ott, Scrappleface (2005-04-19) -- America's leading Roman Catholic politician today greeted the news of German Cardinal Joseph Ratzinger's election to the papacy with a warning that Pope Benedict XVI has "no mandate other than an obligation to heal the wounds of the church and bring people together in the spirit of diversity." "This is not a time for narrow ideologues, or dogmatists," said Sen. John Kerry, D-MA. "I'm praying that the new Holy Father -- despite his reputation as God's Rottweiller -- will realize his duty to be a big-tent guy. And he should never take what is an article of faith for him, personally, and try to impose it on others." Mr. Kerry said that, even though his favorite candidate didn't win the papal election, the Massachusetts Democrat will continue to play an influential role in shaping Catholic doctrine and practice.