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Tuesday, July 26, 2005

Tesco Vee, Where Are Thee?

What ever happened to Tesco Vee of The Meatmen? This site contains everything you need to know about one of punk's great personalities. It's written from a very pro-cock rock perspective, a side of Tesco's career I shy away from. I prefer their kinder, gentler Mentors material. Tesco's real name is revealed, something I thought was a trade secret like the true identity of The Residents.

Someone e-mailed yesterday about finding a copy of Tesco's 1988 MTV show "Way U.S.A.", where Tesco soaks up local oddball color as your sleazy, wheezy master of ceremonies. The only place to find any and all weirdness is Los Angeles' Mondo Video-A-Go-Go, where there's probably a section labeled "Midget Nazi Vampires".

I met Tesco in the 90s at a show in Baltimore. He was showing off weird German porn mags to friends by his van. I went to his annual Halloween blowout and he showed me some of his prized toy collection. He was most proud of the vintage mint Beverly Hillbillies truck that set him back a few hundred dollars. He later opened a used toy and whatever else he could find store.

I thought Tesco was a great guy and nobody had a better act. On Gonzo Hate Vibe there's a song about Jeffrey Dahmer called "Jeff Boy R Dee", sung to "Yummy Yummy Yummy". It starts "Jiffy Jeffy Dahmer's an apartment embalmer/If he feels like offing you/Slips you Mickey Finn/And then he's slippin' it in/With his fridge and belly full of fools". At shows he sold Jeffrey Dahmer cooking aprons. If you tell me it gets better than that you're a frickin' liar.


Anonymous New Evolutionist said...

I imagine Tesco's just waiting for the right moment to make a comeback, a la Morrissey.

Never got the point of an instrumentally proficient Meatmen. It kind of lost its spotty-faced pre-teen punky charm.

11:42 AM

Blogger Emerson said...

Yeah, they're a love/hate thing. Like The Shaggs or Tiny Tim.

Gonzo Hate Vibe is really good and probably would appeal to people on the fence about the first album.

12:20 PM

Blogger Karl Bakla said...

the meatmen were a great band, I had sex for the first time while listening to Crippled Children suck, yeah!

1:26 AM


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